Saturday, August 4, 2007


So we had our adoption physicals yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I was fearing it might be but still a little uncomfortable to dredge up all the known issues we have and basically put them down on paper. I left feeling a little (maybe even a lot) depressed but on the drive back to Ypsi from Dexter Michael was able to cheer me up.

I guess what upset me so much is the intensity of it all. We got to that doctors office at 3:30 and didn't leave until 6:15. I guess it's normal as a prospective adoptive parent to feel a huge sense of unfairness. We have to go through so much to start our family while other people (many of whom shouldn't) are reproducing like nobody's business. It seems like such a typical thing to say...and we all know life isn't always fair. I guess I almost feel a lack of entitlement to my own feelings and that makes all of this that much more complicated.

The things is--NO ONE is perfect. Every parent has some flaws and some bad behaviors they will inevitably pass on to their kids. One of our biggest flaws (or life challenges if you will) is our weight, which is right there on the surface for everyone to see. Alcoholics can hide their behaviors; even mentally unstable people can seem stable enough on the surface. When you're overweight and struggling with food on a daily basis there is no hiding that. Of course I already know it's an issue I face and I know I need to work on it so having it thrown in my face made me feel bad.

A large part of the adoption process is looking on the inside and seriously evaluating the kind of person you are, both physically and emotionally. That's hard. On the flip side, I do have to remind myself that we will be better parents in the long run because of all the questioning and paperwork we must go through to get there--there is some comfort in that for me. I guess there's nothing for it but to keep on keeping on, breaking all our tasks into more manageable chunks and getting them done, one by one.



Duck Hunter said...

I appreciate you writing this blog. I would have NO idea the amount of stuff you have to do.

Jen said...

wow! a three hour dr. appointment... maybe they are just preparing you for the 5-6hour emergency room visit that starts at 3am... because you think the baby has an ear infection and you are PARANOID!!! anyway... i thought that might a) cheer you up or b) be too much of a reality and give you the willies... either way... i am amazed and appreciative of your ability to share so deeply, thank you,