How My Arms Have Hungered for This

There is nothing quite as sweet as holding a newborn baby in your arms, especially when that baby is yours. Before I met Charlie, I knew I would love my children...I just had no idea how very much I would love them. In only three short weeks, being a mother has transformed me.

To say that I no longer care about my own life would be inaccurate; however, I now care about my own life from a whole different perspective. Suddenly I feel I have so much more time in the grand scheme of things, because I've now achieved two of the most important life goals I ever will - marriage and motherhood.

I feel that if I can help Charlie grow up to be happy, healthy, and well adjusted, then I will have done well. I still have my own goals, hopes, dreams, and desires, but mostly they stem from a place of me wanting to be the best I can be for him.

To those of you still waiting--if you are reading these words, thank you. I know firsthand how very difficult it is to watch from the sidelines as other people fulfill the dream you hold so dear to your heart. Trust me (and bear with me) when I say it will all make sense when your time comes. I know that's the pat answer everyone gives, and I also know it doesn't soothe the wound while you wait, but it is completely true.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was meant to parent this child. Not any one of the dozens of others who crossed our path, but this precious boy. All my anger and bitterness has melted away...my resentment is gone but never forgotten. I was becoming someone I didn't like towards the end of our wait--someone I didn't recognize, and now that wound is healing.

There is nothing I can say to quantify the feelings I have for our son. There simply are no words that can capture the beauty and awe that comes with being a mother for the first time. This child, this tiny little boy, has already enhanced our lives immeasurably, just by being who he is. I keep thinking about our future and all the wonderful firsts we will get to experience with him. I can't really fathom what that will be like, but I feel tremendously fortunate to have been given this gift.