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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Ten Years...

I have waited for this day, my very first mother's day for ten years! Granted, those first few years weren't a big deal because we were young with our whole lives ahead of us. We would have loved children then, but we didn't have to have them, if that makes any sense. Then came the infertility years - not a time I will ever forget, or that I would wish on anyone. Finally we turned the corner to adoption, and all of you know our story from there.

Our son had amazing timing in our lives, not the least of which was his arrival only 12 short days before mother's day. I feel so incredibly blessed today. Just the privilege of holding him close and smelling his tiny baby smell. Looking into his eyes, and knowing that he is beginning to memorize my face. He is beginning to know that I am his mommy. There is no greater feeling on this Earth. Of course, with this great joy also comes feelings of sadness for Charlie's birthmom. Even though I don't have a face or a name for her, she feels close to my heart today. I know that no matter what the situation, today must be hard for her, and that makes me sad.

I have also been grappling today with what to say to those of you who I know are still waiting, or who are currently living through some of your own personal low points. I remember only a couple of weeks ago, talking to my sister about how I was dreading yet another mother's day where I had to feel torn between celebrating my own mom, and feeling bereft of my own children. What a difference a few days can make, but I know how hard mother's day can be.

I know what it's like. I know how it feels to think your time is never going to come, and to really believe that on some level. I know what it's like to read mommy blogs and feel happiness for a new mom, tinged with sadness for yourself. The thing is, I don't have the words. There is nothing I can say to any of you, and I know that. I guess I just want you to know, that's all. To know that I haven't forgotten...and I won't forget that part of my journey. You are all in my thoughts and prayers today, and I'm wishing you peace.



15 comments:

kimberly said...

beautifully said, melba...and felt....we all hold those still on this journey in our heart and prayers....as jamie's mother....i will never forget either.......i know your day was beautiful...as was ours....finally sharing it with jamie and matt and baby milo.
hugs,
kimberly

Karen said...

I love your new header, so beautiful. This post expressed my thoughts, too. I've been struggling today with the bittersweet feelings of joy for myself and heartbreak for all of the women who are still waiting. It's going to take a few years for the sting of this day to entirely fade, I think.

Michelle said...

You couldnt have said it better. I LOVE your new blog layout. Precious.

Wendy said...

Thank you for what you wrote. Yesterday was a tough day for me and being remembered really helps. Thank you.

I like your new layout, too - very cute.

M/J Granata said...

Hey Melba... Thank you for the post. I am happy that you had a blessed first Mother's Day! The new blog design is great! That Charlie is too cute!
J:)

Tracey said...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! LOVE THE NEW HEADER TOO! NOW WE ARE IN THE SUPPORTIVE ROLE FOR THOSE STILL WAITING! A NEW CLUB TO JOIN!

RB said...

I love your new header Melba! Charlie is precious. Your words for those still waiting (including myself) are perfect. Happy Mother's Day :)

LL said...

Happy Mother's Day Melba!

I think this is the day that we all have dreamed of and hoped for for such a long time.

All the moms in waiting are in my prayers. I know they will be joining us soon!

Anonymous said...

I remember so well the feelings and emotions of infertility. We waited for 'The Letter' (no email back then and they didn't phone for some reason that I don't know). It was the most exciting day I could imagine. These were the days before IVF and U/S. Adoptions were closed then, tho I believe open adoptions are better for the child. Things have changed but the joy of getting your baby hasn't--ours was 5 weeks old when placed with us. Oh yes, cost: our entire adoption including homestudy, lawyer, etc etc was just over $300. Times HAVE changed. Our 'baby', now a nurse, is 40 years old so I guess it wasn't all THAT long ago.

Rebekah said...

Crying for you. This is the first Mother's Day, in years, that I did not dread; that my heart didn't break. I am SO glad that you were able to enjoy all the fullness that comes with the day and being a MOM!!!

(By the way LOVE the new header!)

BB said...

Beautiful! Happy Mother's Day!

pERiWinKle said...

'mamma melba'...

loveeeeeee that...!!!!!

love that you are now a mamma!!!! my heart softens...and opens...thinking of you on this journey...now having your little sweetie pie right there in your arms! magic!!!! Smooches to you and butterfly kisses in his little neck! (behind his ear...teehee!)

Happy Mother's day...

I tried to be brave...and smile.. yesterday....but being a mama for the first time this mother's day...i just couldn't keep the tears back...it was smile....see the words 'mothers' day' written on the fridge...cry of happiness....smile...see it again...cry....of relieve!

i think the tears together with this day goes for the long long journey of so many other beautiful mammas....who are still waiting....cause we know exactly how it feels xx

Kel said...

Hey Melba! Thank you for your kind words! You're a sweetie, and someone I am blessed to know. Your little guy is so amazing! I love the new header too! I hope you'll help me make one when the time comes!!
kel

alicia said...

happy mothers day to you sweetie! I am sooo glad you got to celebrate this one!!!

I totally understand about what do you say to those still waiting, it is such a hard thing being happy to be a mom finally but still soo sad for our friends who are still waiting.

Jamie said...

So glad you got to spend this past holiday as a new mommy! Finally!! :)
No,we will never forget (especially after years and years of heartbreak/loss/frustration/sadness)....but I hope that the mending continues. :)
So happy for you and your sweet new family! :)