Ten Years...

I have waited for this day, my very first mother's day for ten years! Granted, those first few years weren't a big deal because we were young with our whole lives ahead of us. We would have loved children then, but we didn't have to have them, if that makes any sense. Then came the infertility years - not a time I will ever forget, or that I would wish on anyone. Finally we turned the corner to adoption, and all of you know our story from there.

Our son had amazing timing in our lives, not the least of which was his arrival only 12 short days before mother's day. I feel so incredibly blessed today. Just the privilege of holding him close and smelling his tiny baby smell. Looking into his eyes, and knowing that he is beginning to memorize my face. He is beginning to know that I am his mommy. There is no greater feeling on this Earth. Of course, with this great joy also comes feelings of sadness for Charlie's birthmom. Even though I don't have a face or a name for her, she feels close to my heart today. I know that no matter what the situation, today must be hard for her, and that makes me sad.

I have also been grappling today with what to say to those of you who I know are still waiting, or who are currently living through some of your own personal low points. I remember only a couple of weeks ago, talking to my sister about how I was dreading yet another mother's day where I had to feel torn between celebrating my own mom, and feeling bereft of my own children. What a difference a few days can make, but I know how hard mother's day can be.

I know what it's like. I know how it feels to think your time is never going to come, and to really believe that on some level. I know what it's like to read mommy blogs and feel happiness for a new mom, tinged with sadness for yourself. The thing is, I don't have the words. There is nothing I can say to any of you, and I know that. I guess I just want you to know, that's all. To know that I haven't forgotten...and I won't forget that part of my journey. You are all in my thoughts and prayers today, and I'm wishing you peace.