Monday, January 5, 2009

Far Away...

...well the new year has started off with a bang! With 19 credit hours, I will be insanely busy with school this semester. My first day back was today and it was pretty good. I actually have one professor who listed "no eating" as a class rule on her syllabus. Apart from the occasional snack I usually don't eat in class, but still...I thought I was in college... Anyway, I think my semester will be OK. I keep wavering back and forth about keeping such a full load of classes. Most people I've spoken to IRL, including hubby, think it's too much for one semester. I sort of do too, but on the other hand, being that busy might be just what the doctor ordered...? I'm going to go with it for this week and then make a final decision once I've been to all my classes.

I've sort of had a mental shift where the adoption stuff is concerned. I still think about it all the time, but in a more detached, far away sort of way rather than the all consuming way with which I was formerly driving myself crazy. A while back, hubby and I went to a baby furniture store (sort of on a Melba whim) and while there, we purchased some decorative letters for our someday baby's nursery. They are presently sitting on the shelf in our future nursery and they serve as a simple talisman for me that our time is coming. Every time I'm in that room, I say a simple prayer that our wait won't be too long. They are such a small thing, really, but for some reason the sight of these little letters brings me a lot of comfort and peace.

Speaking of our future nursery...I've been having second thoughts about getting that room ready. Throughout this journey I've been reserved where this is concerned, always holding back for fear of making myself too sad. I've purchased a few small items, but nothing truly significant. Over Christmas, while shopping for my nieces, I was overcome with a strong desire to have the room ready and waiting. For one thing, it would give me a fun project to work on, and for another it might just be comforting to know that when the time comes we will be as ready as we can be. I talked to Michael and he said that as long as we're OK money-wise, he has no issues with me setting up our nursery. I actually think it would be fun to shop around and try to find the best bargains on baby items. Not to mention the fact that spring, i.e. garage sale season will be here in a flash! The most expensive part will be furniture and I might be able to do some of that with my student loan refund this semester. I don't know...I'm still a little torn, so I will think about this a little more before making any big decisions.

I'm a little worried that having a baby-less nursery in our house might be depressing for me, but it could also give me a renewed sense of hope. I would definitely have to re-paint since the walls are presently pale purple. I guess the next best gender-neutral color is green, or yellow...but we already have a green room and our kitchen is yellow. What about a brown that too depressing and dark for a baby? My end goal is to have a kid-central room with lots of bright, happy colors and maybe even a small mural. I want to put a strip of chalkboard paint around the lower portion of the walls, and I want to get my sister (who draws beautiful letters) to help me by adding a quote above the window or something. I don't's a tiny room so I think I really have to be careful about making it either too dark or too crazy. Maybe bright and bold is the way to go? I guess this is some good food for thought while we wait! I certainly won't be doing anything right away because of school, but maybe over winter recess I can get started...?


Tracey said...

I think school should keep you occupied! The nursery will come in good time...don't stress over it...if it doesn't feel right...don't do it! God Bless!

Anonymous said...

Wishing you much good luck in school. As for the nursery, I'm not a good judge on that. I set up one in my home when we first moved in, about three years ago. But over time it has become a room more for my HoneyBuns video games and some toys for nieces and nephews when they come over. Having a complete nursery and no end in sit for our fertility issues was too much for me.

Each person has their own tolerance level for this kind of stuff. If it feels right go for it, keeping in mind that it can all be taken down if it becomes to much.

Oh dear, I fear I've become a bit of a downer these days. Don't pay not attention to me.

Wishing you much luck with all you endeavors.

Bri said...

I think you have the right idea. I've had the most fun ever putting together our nursery. I think it helps to occupy my time and gives me something to focus on. I have taken it really slow so it is still a work in progress (I only worry when I will do when it is finished). When people come over, I think it helps them see that we are EXPECTING!! There are so many details and I love thinking about every single one! It is so much fun. I haven't yet found that the room makes me sad at all. For the most part, it makes me really happy to go in there (which isn't very often- but not on purpose!). I think only you can predict how it will make you feel, but I don't think you are jumping the gun.

Rebekah said...

School is definitely a nice distraction! I don't start my Masters until May and I'm afraid I might go a little stir crazy with all the extra time on my hands!

As far as the nursery goes...I think it really is an individual decision because everyone is so different. For me, the nursery has been the perfect reminder of our promise to come! I had so much fun putting it together and spent 6 months hunting down the perfect additions, furniture, curtains, etc. Because I wasn't in a hurry I was able to stalk websites for sales until I could get a good furniture deal. (By the way Walmart carries most of the same BRU furniture for MUCH cheaper. If you have it delivered to the store you won't have to pay shipping. I got our crib and changing station for around $450!)

It's really nice to know that we are truly ready for that call! I have never walked by the room (I leave the door open) and been sad. I love to sit in the rocker and read the little books...and dream...

Anyway, just my two cents! :)

Becky said...

It is a very individual decision and approach! I couldn't do it. Emotionally, I just couldn't handle having an empty room ready.........the first time. I always knew I wanted a Pooh nursery and I would buy little things, here and there, books, etc. Small things that I could pack and tuck away. When we had our first match, I let go and we started with the crib and bookcase, and some essentials. I was glad we didn't do too much b/c I had breakdown when she didn't place.
So truly, only you know if it will bring hope and 'realness' or be too hard to see.
NOW, with the second time, it was easier for me b/c I was already a mom. I did a farm theme b/c that was neutral. Painted 3 walls a yellow and did a mural of a country side farm on one wall. That was lots of fun to do while we waited!! Again, we had a match fall through and I would sit in that room and cry for that baby but, it did also give me peace and hope! Like Rebekah said, it was fun to sit in the rocker in there and admire all I had prepared, read, pray, etc.
Do what is best for you!! You will know! Looking back, I think perhaps it would have been good for me to do the first time!! A blog would have helped me a lot too!! Did they have blogs in 1993 to 1999?!!!! :o)

And yes girl, while I am rambling on and on like a looney thing, that is a LOT of hours!!! Brave, crazy thing!! :o)

alicia said...

good luck with school! I am sure that will keep you busy!

the letters are so cute, and it sounds like a great plan to start on the nursery but taking it slow, and watching for deals! I had originally done our nursery in dark brown accent wall with pale yellow walls! It looked really good, but the room is small and it made it look a little smaller! But if you get light white furniture that can really brighten the space up again! I also am using primary colors in my nursery now and I LOVE it! It is so fun and really different as most nursery's have pastels, but the bold primary's are really fun! have a good time designing!

Debbie B said...

I've seen a couple of brown nurseries and love them. Just accent it with green or yellow.

We had our nursery set up for 2 years before Isabel came home. It was depressing at times and therapeutic at times. But when I told my husband that I wanted to pack it away till the baby came he said NO and said that it where he went to pray for our baby. I cried in that room many times but also was able to dream of our baby coming home as well.

Kel said...

My Husband and I put the nursery together so that it would be part of the "homestudy" when the check for economic stimulus arrived, we spent it on a crib, a mattress, rocking chair and paint. We have always liked frogs for a baby room and it is fairly gender nutral. We painted the walls a pretty "Lime Granita" from Sherwin williams and I got a neat sea grass rug from Overstock, now we add little fun things as we see them, the most recent addition is a tiny pair of Converse all stars. or "Chucks" as we like to call them. Sometimes I go in and sit and pray, or dust :D. I have a collage frame that I'm gathering photos of family for, leaving a few blank for birthfamily members. And trying to figure out what we're going to do with the costco packs of TP and Paper towels that hang out in the closet of that room! I have to admit that some days, I close the door and avoid it all together. But for the most part, having the room makes me happy. I walk by the room sometimes and whisper "If you build it they will come".

Put it together when you feel it is the time to do so. And do it with zeal! You deserve to be happy!

I have a yellow kitchen too! :D

And you are a very special "living thing" you are an adoptive mother who can love and nurture without genetic involvement. You are a higher speicies in my mind!