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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Technically...

...I shouldn't be classified as a living thing. Who knew that the study of life science would make me feel so vulnerable? The other night in my biology methods class, we talked about the five characteristics of living things, one of which is reproduction. So since I'm not able to reproduce, does this mean I'm not a living thing? It's two parts funny and one part sad for me to think about this. I almost raised my hand to ask, but I refrained since that would have been pretty weird.

I gotta' admit it, I am not enjoying my semester thus far. I've flipped my schedule from T/Th to M/W/F, which means there are no familiar faces in the hallways these days. I guess I'm feeling kind of lonely on the school front. I also am not impressed with any of my professors at this point. They all seem a little too intense for my taste. Hopefully it will get better...

Even though I said I was feeling far away from all the adoption thoughts in my last post, I may have spoken too soon. I've been diligently checking my email lately, hoping there might be word from our social worker. In her last correspondence she said, "I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving and that the year ahead brings good news." Yes, it's been since Thanksgiving since we've heard anything. I guess I sort of tucked her comment away in the back of my mind and now that the new year is here I've been expecting/hoping we would hear something.

Then again...getting our hopes up only to have them come down isn't fun either so maybe it's better this way. There seems to be no good way for me to deal with all of this. If I think about it too much I drive myself crazy and get depressed, and if I don't think about it enough it creeps up on me anyway. AARGHHHHH! I guess there is just no easy way...no detour through this wait.

10 comments:

Bri said...

Blah! I'm sorry melba! That stinks big time!!

I have found that when other things are difficult, it makes waiting even more difficult. I hope you start enjoying your classes more so you have something fun to focus on!

Rebekah said...

I'm sorry but I HAD to laugh at your living or dead parallelism! Definitely two parts funny/one part sad - you should have asked your question! If we don't have a sense of humor what do we have?

Tracey said...

So sorry about the wait...but it will all be worth it!

Jessica said...

I had the same kind of moment about a month ago at church. We were studying a part of the Bible where it says women will be saved by bearing children. Now, I know that women are saved just like men by accepting Jesus, baptism, it was a cultural thing back then, blahblahblah. But to see it in black and white, plain as day in the Bible like that...well, it hit me as not-so-funny at the time. Like I can't go to Heaven without producing a child.

Unfortunately the sting of infertility never fully goes away. But you can still laugh about it!

Connie said...

Melba,

This is Tracey's sister in law Connie. Just stopping by to thank you for your kind words of encouragement on my new blog. I'm hoping to keep it up!

Thanks again,

Connie

Eileen said...

My attitude about our adoption "journey" (funny, because we don't seem to be getting very far lol) seems to change so much lately. I'm hopeful at times and discouraged other times. I don't think there's any way of getting around it, unfortunately. Let me know if you think of something. 19 credits is a good and productive distraction. As always, hoping something happens for you soon in the adoption department!! Good luck this semester...Eileen

Rachel said...

I find waiting to be difficult, too. For me it's a roller coaster. Sometimes it's really bad and sometimes it's more in the back of my mind. It sucks because I just see everything around me as being unfair.

Karen said...

I laughed at your first sentence, too :) It's amazing how much IF pops up in daily life when you're going through it, isn't it? It makes us sensitive to things other people aren't. (((Hugs)))

Jill said...

My prayers are with you babe.
HUGS, Jill

Jamie said...

Melba ~
I remember feeling this EXACT same thing while in the midst of my biology class! I actually think I almost started crying! :( It's really amazing how hard on ourselves we are through this whole IF journey. Be good to yourself ~ you are a kind, amazing, caring and LIVING being!! :)
Jamie