Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mixed Emotions

My thoughts are rambling all over the place tonight, as the clock is about to tick over into my second mother's day.

I just learned that E, a blogging friend I've been following for a long time now (through many ups and downs) is "finally a mom." I am on top of the world for her and want to dance around and jump for joy over her amazing news!

I remember this time last year as though it was yesterday. Baby C. was just about two weeks old and I was over the moon as a brand new mommy. I also remember how I had felt all those years prior, first TTC and then waiting. I will never forget how hard those times were. My heart goes out to any of you who are still out there; waiting and wondering, suffering in silence.

And then there are the birth mothers. Today is National Birthmother's Day, did you know that? These women are so often misjudged, overlooked and forgotten by our society but they are mothers too. They deserve to be honored for their selflessness, the tough choices they have made (and stood by) and the sacrifices they have made on behalf of our children. Without them, so many families I know wouldn't be. My family wouldn't be. That's a pretty intense thought and it matches my intense feelings about this topic right now. Words fail me.

Lastly, there's me as a mom. A little over a year later, the title of "mama" is starting to feel more natural to me...less extraordinary, although that in no way means that I've begun to forget that every moment with our son is precious. I don't exactly know how to put this into words either. My heart still swells every time I see him do something new, or when our sweet boy reaches out to me for a hug...but being referred to as a mom, as his mom, though still amazing and beautiful and wonderful, is no longer earth shattering. It's simply who I am now and it fits. I'm now an old pro at celebrating mother's day as a mother. When did that happen? I don't really know but it feels good. I feel as though I've spent the past year growing into who I was meant to be all along and now the shoe just fits.

I don't know if any if this makes sense...I just needed to get it out and process a little of what I've been thinking about this weekend. Happy Mother's Day, Everyone!


Andi-bo-bandi said...

What a gorgeous boy you have! Your sensitive heart is a blessing to me. Have a wonderful Mother's Day!

Denver Jen said...

I loved your reflection on your second Mother's Day. That certainly makes sense. As always, beautiful post and Happy Mother's Day!

zoomdog! said...

Melba, I am so happy for your family today!!! Happy second Mother's Day! Lots of love from me & Ayize (and hugs for gorgeous Charlie)!

Wendy said...

Happy Mother's Day, Melba...hope it was a wonderful day.

Evergreen said...

While I haven't gotten used to celebrating Mother's Day yet, I know what you mean about growing into the role of Mom -- I'm seeing myself there more and more. Cool, huh?!

TXMom2B said...

I wrote a post myself about how the awe had faded for me about being a mom, and how it felt like a good thing. That is how I read this post, that I understand what you're saying. To me, it shows how strong of an attachment we've formed with our children. Not that we take them for granted, but that we're being "just a mom" in the way that might sometimes feel that our own moms are "just a mom"--not earth-shattering, either, you know? I think it is a healthy sign of growth to get to this place, to just be another mom.

Anonymous said...

I can't decided where I am on this one.... I feel more natural as my role as "mom" but I am still continuously in awe of R herself... or maybe not even her, but just human life. Every new milestone or even the tiniest development is just amazing to me and I am still in awe that I get to be there for all of it.

Happy belated mother's day.


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Debbie B said...

Beautiful post. I had that kind of mother's day this year. I read Wendy's comment here and she mentioned how much it means we are bonded with our children and it made me reflect on my journey to that bond with Isabel. Made me realize why this was my best Mother's Day yet. Thanks!