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Saturday, May 24, 2008

When...?

Regarding adoption, when do you do all the baby STUFF? When do you buy the crib, and get the room ready, and start buying clothes? When do you actually move from wondering if you ever will be a mom to actually getting ready to be one? I care for my niece and my friend's little girl here in my home three days a week, so I have baby stuff here already. But I don't have MY baby stuff, if that makes any sense. I don't have a room ready in other words.

This is yet another aspect of this whole adoption thing that is rough for me. The unknowns and not being able to plan things out so that we don't have to be even more stressed when the time actually comes. I guess I just assumed we would wait until we got "the call" before making any big purchases, having a shower, etc. I've been reading/hearing so many stories lately where matches happen very quickly though and it's making me think...maybe we SHOULD get more prepared sooner rather than later? We're not even technically in "the pool" yet, so there's certainly no rush right at the moment, but I'm still wondering. How do you know when to do all that stuff? The other extreme is that we could have to wait years for our match, and I certainly don't want an empty baby crib sitting around the house for years.

Just wondering about all this stuff...

6 comments:

Becky said...

Hi Melba,
I can tell you a little about my experience. After our 7 yr. struggle with IF, once we started the adoption process, I never felt that emotionally I could handle living in a house with an empty nursery for who know how long?? I would buy little things here and there, a neutral outfit, books, etc.
We were in a match that fell through before our son. During that match time, we bought a crib and packed a diaper bag. It was very hard when we didn't get that baby but, all of that had to be done...in case baby did come home.
I know women who buy and prepare everything while they wait for the adoption. You have to decide for you what you are emotionally ready for and when.
We did not allow any baby showers, with either of our adoptions, until after the babies were home. That is something that we knew we couldn't do until they were here.
Do what is right for you, when you feel it's right!
You can always wait until you get a call to pick up a baby! Perhaps just have a carseat! Then, make a stop at Wal-Mart on the way to get him/her!! :o)

Tracey said...

Do what works for you, but we have already done the big stuff...painted room, crib and big things bought...and now I am enjoying gettng a list together and slowly aquiring stuff...yard sales are great!!! Good Luck

Christy said...

When we got the call for our son, we didn't have anything! Have you read our story? Check it out if you haven't. Anyway, we had a crib and dresser/changing table, only because someone gave it to us. Fortunately Wal-Mart and Target will accept any major credit card if you would need to get things at the last minute. Friends surprised us by loaning some of their big items (stroller, car seat, etc) to us until we could get our own. And that's what we did. We only spent about $200 on that first trip, which wasn't as bad as I expected. We held off on showers until after he came home and we were past the time where birthparents could change their minds. It will all come together in the timing that it should and you'll be surprised at the amount of support you'll get from family and friends, too. I am a planner, just like you, but I wouldn't have done it any other way!

Annie said...

We had three hours notice for five week old twins. It only took a couple of phone calls and we had just about everything we needed. We had carseats, one crib, a double stroller and so many clothes I had to tell people to stop buying them so I could pick out some outfits for them. I went to the store and bought a six pack of bottles, formula, pacifiers and diapers. I would say register gender neutral and if it's short notice send out the word, your friends will mobilize for you. With a registry at Target or something you'll still get to dream a little without having an empty crib.

Bri said...

You should get a good carseat AT LEAST, as soon as you are certified so you can learn how to use it properly before you get your baby. As far as the rest of the stuff goes, we are using baby registries. We are making one for a boy and one for a girl. We get to shop for both (which is so much fun) but we don't really have to buy anything yet. We get to make calculated choice and plan and do all that stuff without walking past an empty nursery. Then, when the time comes, we can execute!! If we need them, our family can help if things move really quickly!

Yoka said...

Melba, I think that depends on how much you are comfortable with. We don't really have anything yet except a travel bed for the pick up. I don't want to buy stuff for a baby that we might not end up getting. But I guess we will need to get a car seat before we fly out to pick up the baby. At the class we took at the agency they told us that you only need 5 things:
carseat, clothes, formula, bottles, and diapers. Everything else you can buy with time or improvise. But if you feel comfortable going out there and buying stuff then you can get everything ready (which obviously also has it advantages). I look forward to this journey together.