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Saturday, September 27, 2008

Sweet & Sour

First of all, THANK YOU to all of you for your sweet and thoughtful comments on my last post. I couldn't believe it when I had over 20 comments with only a couple people commenting more than once. :) It's really great to know there are so many other people out there who "get it" and who can relate so well to the ups and downs of this whole process. You guys rock!

Some of the other adoptive parents with our agency have organized an adoption support group for adoptive families in our area. Hubby and I attended a meeting for the first time back in early June and today I went to a second get together. Michael had to work so I went alone, which was admittedly a little awkward at first. Luckily my new friend, Paulina was there and she made me feel very comfortable. She and her husband were in the pool of waiting families when I met them back in June, and today I got to meet their three-month-old baby girl. They were great, and they let me hold precious little M. all afternoon, which was very therapeutic for me. I'm so happy for this new little family!

All totaled there were about 20 people there, all but two of whom had their little ones in tow. On one hand it was really affirming to see so many families that have been formed through adoption, but it's also odd because looking around and seeing all the other people who have already been matched while we're still waiting is a little bittersweet. Having said that, it's comforting to know that they have been chosen through the same process we're going through, and we will too someday. And I also know that we will be matched with the baby that's right for us--that after it happens I will look back and say I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Logically I know that.

This whole journey is just plain hard sometimes. Try as I might, I can't squelch my feelings of intensity related to this birth mom we just found out about. I've told myself time and again to remain calm and not over think the situation. In reality though I've already day dreamed myself into motherhood...I've got my imaginary room decorated and favorite names picked out! What will happen come Friday (or after) is anyone's guess, this I know. The logical part of me knows it could go either way and the emotional part of me...well, yeah...she's in a completely different world at this point. In one respect I want Friday to be here NOW so I can know what's going to happen one way or the other and at the same time, I want to freeze-frame time right now so I don't have to deal with the disappointing news that we weren't chosen this time, if that should be the case. I'm definitely rambling, but I guess I'm feeling a little off kilter today and I'm trying to make it all make sense. What else can I say?



P.S. Thanks also for the comments on my new page layout. I had lots of fun decorating it using Debblie's Instructions, though I did have to enlist the help of my hubby a few times for the HTML coding part. :)

17 comments:

Eileen said...

M, that's awesome that you went to the support group, even though your hubby couldn't make it. It is difficult knowing that others are matched while you're still waiting...pass the oar, I'm in the same boat! It's also hard not to get your hopes up and excited about a potential situation coming up. Hang in there. If this situation isn't "the one", be comforted that your baby is still out there and will be coming to you soon! Sounds like your agency is very productive;)

Reggie Boppy said...

I know that Friday can't come soon enough and you can't think of anything else, but try! :) This potential BM most likely isn't going to make her decision on Friday, but at least you may be able to get some feedback on what she said about you two or your profile. My thoughts are with you :) Lots of luck :)

Pep said...

A support group is awesome! Our agency does not offer one. I often thought it would of been nice had they encouraged us in some way to get to know other adoptive couples. But, no...didn't happen.
We all took training classes together. But, never saw eachother again. Had I know then, what I know now, I would of made it a point to chat with them more and exchanged information.

You're so right. The journey is just plain HARD! No sense sugar coating it! Right? I mean, yes...we've learned alot about patience and faith; we've grown closer to eachother and closer to God. But..there are still days you think you just can't do it anymore! We're human beings who have feelings and emotions. We long to have a baby in our arms, it's normal, it's how God created us. It's a important calling, given to us by God. So if you need to have a day once in a while to clear your soul of emotions, go for it! You're entitled. A good cry does the heart good. And...God understands.

So Friday is the day your profile is being shown? Does your agency always let you know when it is being shown? Ours does not. BUT there have been many times they have told us. Sadly, we've been chosen over and over but things just never happened.

Hang in there girlie - and remember God is good and faithful to those who put their trust in Him. I am praying for you and will be coming back to your blog to follow your wonderful story to motherhood.

Hugs - Pep

Karen said...

Daydreaming is great! I did it all the time when we were waiting, but so do PG women. :) No harm in it, since you're dreams will come true someday. (((Hugs)))

Brooke said...

Just wanted to add that I love the new layout too! I always like to see lots of pictures :)

Tracey said...

Love the new header look!!!! WILL PRAY EVERY DAY ABOUT FRIDAY! I know it drives you nuts....My birthmom is having a boy is 18 and due in December too. I hope we can share this together. God Bless!

Nancy said...

Hang in there. I know what you mean about your emotions getting carried away. It's really great that you're checking out the support group. Once Bob and I are in the pool, we may do the same.

Duck Hunter said...

try and stay busy this week. I hope it goes quickly for ya.

also - I love the look you created on the blog!

alicia said...

the layout is great!

wow that is encouraging that so many in your group have been matched, that just says to me its your turn soon!

hang in there, keep busy till Friday. I understand the rollercoster of emotion you are on! ahh!

Jamie said...

Hi ~ I just came upon your blog and feel as though I could have written many of your posts. :) We are in a pool of waiting families also (since April) and sometimes the wait seems unbearable. I hope so much that you receive good news regarding being shown on Friday. I can't imagine how that would feel! :) We've been shown 4 times since May and have not been chosen yet....that part is really hard.
Just wanted to make another connection to someone going through the same thing. :) We all have to stick together, ya know?! :)

Sarah said...

Hi Melba... I've been a "non-blogger" for the last few days, so I'm just now seeing your new layout. Love the pictures!

I'm thinking about you as Friday looms. Please keep using your writing to "get it out"... your last paragraph spoke volumes to me.

Rebeckah said...

I am praying for you! I am SO excited for you!

katd said...

Support groups are so important. We just joined our church's adoptive family group, and already it has meant so much to us. I love what you say here about being encouraged seeing other couples who the process has "worked" for.
I also wanted you to know I'm thinking of you as you'll be shown tomorrow. Keep us posted and know you're being thought of and prayed for:)

Malloryn said...

I just came across your blog. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you guys get some good news tomorrow. A support group sounds wonderful... my husband and I are just starting our adoption journey and I'm hoping to find one in our area.

Natalie said...

Melba,
Just came across your blog after reading the comment on Malloryn's blog. My husband and I are just starting the process also! It was so exciting for me to hear that your profile will be viewed soon! :) I can't wait for the day! I will say some prayers for you and your hubby. Love your pics...you guys both have such friendly faces!! I'm adding you to my adoption links...hope you don't mind!

Natalie said...

btw...I have a nursery all planned out in my mind too! We have had names picked out since before we were engaged!! Ha!

Eileen said...

Hey M, thanks for your sweet post in reply to my post about our dog who passed on Sunday. You're right...he was very loved and we miss him so much. I'm having a really hard time with it. thanks for the link too...I'll have to take a look.