My dear blogging friend, BB posted a topic that was so great today that I'm copying her idea, hopefully she won't get mad. If you follow both of us, feel free to copy and paste your response to her in my comments!
Michael and I have the honor of speaking to the newest group of prospective adoptive parents at our agency this coming Friday. I am very excited to have the opportunity to be on the opposite side of the table! It's honestly quite strange/wonderful/surreal to realize that we've got a story other people want to hear and one they may benefit from hearing.
So...here's where you come in. What do you think we should talk about? Especially if you're still waiting right now...what is it that gives you hope? What do you want to hear or talk about when you talk to adoptive parents? What should we avoid? I would love to have your input!
I’m primarily planning to focus on how I felt during the wait. I want to convey the message (without being annoying and cliche about it) that they really need to hold on to the hope that the right child is out there for them and that the time will come, even when it seems like that will never happen. I don’t want to be that adoptive mom that makes it all sound so easy now that I have my baby. I want to tell them that I haven’t forgotten how hard it was to wait for Charlie but that I truly do believe we are better parents now, for having gone through the process and the pain of waiting for him.
Let me know what you think!
5 comments:
As a fellow adoptive Mama, I would keep it 100% real. There are struggles on both sides...both of the waiting game and of the parenting team! But I would talk mostly of the process...your raw emotions while going through the process and your heart since you have become a Mama...good luck!
We waited almost 13 months for our match and during that time we thought about switching agencies, etc. Even today, when I hear about people that get really fast matches and/or did not have to pay as much as we did, I wonder if we should have switched but then I look at my son and forget about all of that. So what if it took longer than I wanter. So what if it cost more than we had budgeted. He was meant to be our son and things definitely work out the way they are supposed to.
How cool is it that we are speaking only days apart! Sometimes it is eerie how our paths have coincided!!
I already love hearing the responses!! The funny thing is, I was probably going to be one of those people that glossed over the wait. I am SO glad you mentioned it, because I also got a good amount of comfort from those stories.
For me, the biggest thing is the growth of our feelings on open adoption. My biggest piece of advice is to allow yourself to be open for growth on what kind of openness you will be able to have. Of course I want to emphasize that you should never agree to more than you are comfortable with, but you can always slowly open the lines of communication a little more. When we first started our journey, this was the one thing that was holding me back. I was terrified of inviting these hypothetical “birth parents” into my life forever. If I had made all the decisions based on the feelings I had at that moment, we would have as closed of an adoption as you can get these days. It is interesting how when we met J and C, they wanted a closed adoption (which 30 seconds before meeting them would have been my dream come true) and I found myself shocked at my own words as I told them we would be open to a visit during the first year if they wanted to down the road. We have taken baby steps into what is still a blossoming open adoption relationship. We always talked the subject to death and made decisions based on what we are comfortable with based on the info we had at the time- dealing with actual people (rather than hypothetical) and looking into the best interest of an actual person (rather than a fictitious baby).
Writing this has made me thing about your situation being that you don’t know C’s birth family. If I were sitting on the other side of the table while you were speaking I would have thought to myself that you guys have it perfect (with no birth parents to worry about). Obviously in all situations, there are pros and cons, but I think it may be beneficial to the people to hear your thoughts on open adoption and where you stand on it.
I would talk about the waiting process -- how it was for you, what you did while you waited, etc. I would talk about how you decided if you preferred a semi-open or open adoption and why.
I would maybe mention how you plan to talk about adoption with your son as he grows up.
Good luck -- you'll do great!
Just wanted to say have fun and good luck! We just attended a picnic for adoptive families and were asked many many questions, however most people just wanted to hear "our story". :) You'll do great and isn't it wonderful to be on the other side giving hope to those who need it. :) I still remember the two people who filled my hope up when I needed it most.......I felt like they were angels. :)
Maybe you'll be someone's angel on friday! :)
Jamie
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