Wednesday, April 28, 2010

365 Days Later, Part Two

So where was I on this day in history, the day our child was born? To be honest, I wasn't having a very good day. In fact, I was pretty much hitting the rock bottom of our wait. Those of you who were there probably remember that April was a hard month for me last year, right up until the very end. In early April, I discussed my exasperation in this post. Then there was the "close call" we had with the premature baby girl that pretty much sent me on a downward spiral.

If only someone could have told me our time was literally only days away...I wouldn't have wasted so much energy being upset.

In fact, I had gone to the doctor on April 28, to get our paperwork updated and signed yet again, thinking I was going to have to go through the process of updating our home study again. The conversation with the doctor had been very rough, I was struggling. I remember telling her how sad I was and feeling that she sort of wrote me off. I actually cried that day, all the way home on the 45 minute drive. I was just so exhausted and so depleted. I remember thinking that I wasn't sure we were supposed to keep going...feeling that maybe we should just throw in the towel.

If only someone could have told me our time was literally only days away...I wouldn't have wasted so much energy being upset.

Thinking about that now, I am amazed. To think that I sobbed and felt sorry for myself all the way home, as there was a woman only an hour away, giving birth to a baby and going through what must have been a tremendous amount of both physical and emotional pain. Well...I just wish I could have known. Not only do I wish I could have been there on the first day of our son's life but I also wish I could have known her. To maybe, on some small level, have been able to give her some sort of comfort and peace that her son would be loved. Yes, I wish I could have been there and I wish I could have known.

Still, I believe that Charlie's story is what it is for a reason. I am so very grateful for our son and for his birth mother. The day of his birth...the day that was the beginning of the greatest experience of our whole lives will forever be a day that is close to my heart, and not just because it's our son's birthday.


Rebekah said...

I would have wanted to know her too. I feel for you. And I, too, was at rock bottom on our call day. God always comes through in his perfect timing....

If only we could have believed that leading up to those calls!! :)

BB said...

This post is one of the many many reasons I feel so connected to you. Our stories are so much the same in many ways.

I felt I hit rock bottom right before we got the call, too. I mean, like the day R was born, just like you!

It's amazing and I can't wait to see you in July (and yes, I am going to start talking about it like it is going to HAPPEN, because it IS!!!)

Christine said...

I really appreciate you writing your thoughts down and sharing them with all of the web!

My husband and I are going to our first informational meeting in June and it has been a great experience to read the words of those who have been in my shoes.

Thanks so much. Take care- I'll keep reading :)